I would love to take credit for this title, but I can’t. All the credit goes to Bill Johnson from Bethel Church. The road to victory in Jesus can be a tough one. Only speaking for myself, I have endured doubt, struggle, fear, and rejection as well as unspeakable victory, revelation, and blessings. I have learned that without faith, I cannot be victorious in my Christian walk but boy does the pull of the enemy seem strong at times. I am coming out of an almost 10 years struggle and I know that I am set free and that the Lord is with me but I am finding that the hunger and desire I had for the Lord is not where it once was. I want to love my Lord with all my heart, mind and soul but I am struggling. I hate where I am and I want more. I am asking for more, crying out for more and as I seek the Lord He has assured me that “he has not forsaken me”(Deut. 31:6). But the struggle is still there. Not because God is not helping me, but because I am battling with letting going. God brought me out of the cave but I am still struggling with cave mentality. And then God led me to this sermon. It was totally by accident that I stumbled across Bill Johnson (this was my first time to hear him) and this sermon. And as I have listened to it (three times so far) I know that I know that God is taking me to His stream of living waters.
Deut 3:8 “So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord.”
As I was listening this this sermon for the third time, I started to remember times in my life where I hungered the most for the things of God. I had forgotten that in my thirties I had an overwhelming desire for my prayer language. I would constantly go to the altar and ask God for this gift and yet time and time ago I left not having received it. People would come up to me and tell me to do this or do that and I would receive my prayer language but to no avail. I was unhappy in my Christian walk and did not know what to do. And then New Year’s Eve a friend of my called to say she was taking me to church and she refused to take no for an answer. I went begrudgingly not expecting anything and it was that night that God gave me what I had been seeking for so long, my prayer language. I left church that night a different person. Holy Spirit changed me from the inside out and for the next 7 years I experienced things that I had only ever heard about: signs, wonders, miracles, revelations. And then 9 years of struggle.
God’s says that “He humbles us, allows us to hunger”, why? I think because it is possible to get to a point in our walk where we can become so full that we stop hungering for the greater things of God. My storehouse was full and I thought that I had everything that I would need and when the rejection and hurt came my way, I pulled from my storehouse without adding to it. I had depleted my resources and stopped seeking after the greater things of God. My cave was decorated with my blessing of old but they were not enough to make it though. We cannot live off yesterday blessing. We must seek God daily. God knows that we can become spiritually lazy that is why He showed Paul what was necessary for victory, a daily dying to flesh (1 Corth. 15:31). If we stayed humble, then every day we will recognize that we can’t make it without Him. We will recognize that daily we need flesh manna. If God would not allow the Israelites to store us their manna, then why do we believe that we can. (Exodus 16:21) God is not a God of leftovers, He gives fresh provision each and every day. He wants us to stay hunger for Him because that is the only way that we will continue to seek the greater things of Him. My cry is “God give me a gift of hunger. Allow me to run daily after you.”